College Begins.

I've slipped into the most cavernous depths of uncertainty. A place where many enter but......... well actually many exit too. A place where those with any phobia imaginable face their deepest fears. Somewhere the folks don't all think the same, don't do the same things.................................. No, not a family reunion. What the hell kind of family reunion are you running? I'm talking of course about COLLEGE. This seems to be a right of passage, some form of ritual that's been years in the making but is now so mainstream its no longer catered only to the elect few that are privileged enough, but is available to anyone who seeks after it.

What is it that drives us to college? Is it a thirst for knowledge? Is it a pit stop on your way to accomplishing your bucket list? Is it cause you've got no place else to go?

I roam the halls of Utah Valley University. Apparently i'm working towards that becoming my alma mater. As I drift, can't say aimlessly cause I know where i'm going (on campus anyway), we'll call it purpose driven drifting, through the campus I find myself people watching all the time. It's one of my favorite past times and I can't seem to stop. I love looking at the people and building my own sort of backstory for them. Imagining why they're here, what they want to accomplish, what change they want to make in the world. Or there are other people whose motives I deem completely the opposite of altruistic. (i.e. the indie rocker fella with six chicks strung on each arm, gently tipping his fedora and his roy orbison sunglasses just so, so as to make himself appear like he doesn't care how he looks.) Whatever it may be these last few days have been overwhelming, partly because i'm not used to being around so many people, and partly because i've never been more comfortable with myself. I suppose it's all this crazy imagination mine running rampant creating backstories for people, that made me realize I didn't know my own backstory. I mentioned this to a friend, and they were appalled. His face seemed to say " COLLEGE ISN'T A PLACE WHERE OPINIONS ARE FORMED!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU ASSUME TO ENTER THIS INSTITUTION OF LEARNING WITHOUT A DIRECTION IN LIFE!" As he spoke to me, I realized I was comfortable in my uncertainty. I mean I know for a fact one side of my personality can't exist without watching the "Die Hard" trilogy at least once a year. But do I let that side dominate my conscious thoughts when out of left field my start tapping my toes when Enrique Iglesias comes on my I-pod? Do I let my ultra ultra manly side step in when my mind twists to something it has pegged as an intruder for so long? But apparently some part of me must dig that ridiculously high latin vocals cause my body just can't resist shaking in rhythm with that amazingly feminine falsetto.

So I guess the reason I blog now is to let you know, let the journey of self discovery begin. Both in and outside this institution of education i'm currently enrolled in. Some changes will be made and some views will be concreted forever in my think tank. But all in all i'm excited for what about to happen. THANK GOD I'M TWENTY TWO!

Almighty God........

It's me. Airick...................... Yeah, it has been a while. We have talked but i think its been more like me talking to a wall.................................................Haha yes, I did shave. It's for mom. She seems to like me clean shaven................................. Yes, I know thats what you said............................ Haha I just don't like it cause i look like a chubby elf.......................................... Alright alright I get the point. Anyways the reason I came to you this evening is mostly I just wanted to let you know you don't have to shout anymore.................................... Well, i know its not shouting in your book, but you've been strenuously trying to get my attention.................................................................. Yeah, I guessed as much. You know what you're doing. I guess i'll concede that point as i have so many times.................................................................. It's not my fault i'm stubborn. Look at the parents you gave me. HAHAHAHAA........................................................... No i know they're great. Anyhow, I just want to apologize for not paying attention as much as i should have these last few months. I guess I just decided to grab a machete and dive headlong into the world on my own............................... yeah i guess you know how that turned out................................................................... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA alright that was funny. But I swear that incident with the fire was a total accident.................................. I guess i'm scared. Thats what i'm trying to get at. It's a cruel wonderful world you've set up and as much as i hate to admit it, I need help..................................................................... Yeah, i'll probably still try to be superman, lets be honest. But I need a shoulder to lean on and I guess there's no better shoulder than the infallible arm of the great I AM................................................ No, i know how she's doing. I couldn't ask for more. You've got that situation covered. Doesn't mean i'll stop praying in that regard though.................................................................. No, I trust you, I'm just saying you'll be hearing from me.............................................. Hahahaha i guess that is what you want. Anyways, thanks for being so patient. Even when I try to push your buttons to make you make your move................................. I know, I know, don't tempt the lord your God. All that stuff. That's a lesson I guess i'm still learning...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I guess we'll just have to see how long it lasts. My attention is yours for now. Hopefully forever. But you know how slow i am to learn lessons. Just know I'm trying................................................................................................................................................. I guess I definetly could make a better effort................................................. I know you're not scolding, its what i need to hear. Anyways I better get back to my day, thanks for listening................ I'm truly blessed to have you as a father. I promise i'll do better.........
take care.

you know what?????????????????

I'm not done posting this evening. I need help from you my few fans. My very few fans. Normally I handle rejection very well. Some of you are shaking your heads and saying actually dude you don't. Buts its true. But as of late things haven't panned out the way any way i thought they would. I think for the first time since i've been home I put my whole heart into a certain something, felt like I was in a place that I could give over everything and be content. So i started doing as such. But then someone told me I wasn't good enough. That everything I put out there was nothing but useless time filler. Well i'll tell you what, myself, me and airick didn't take too kindly to that. But then It felt as if i was to wait around to see if said someone could do better and if they couldn't they'd come back and see how i was doing hahahahaha. It was like i was the chick and the other person was the dude. "Listen, its not you its me. I need to not set my standards so low, so i'm going to go out there and look for my ten, but if they're not there, i'll come back and settle for a three." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry my best effort only amounts to a three. But i'm not here to rant about this. My bad for filling your head with such drivel. My question is, how do I get back on the horse and ride? I fear rejection to the utmost now. Its like someone with acrophobia on top of a fifteen story building standing only on a two by four. Everytime i get an opportunity to get out there and try again i feel like i'm standing in front of the firing squad with every gun loaded and for every gunman there is an itchy trigger finger, just waiting to shoot me down. hahahhahaha so advice folks. Most of you are going to say grow a pair, which is what i need but any other advice besides that would help. We'll look forward to your advice. God bless as always.....

Due to many recent comments......................

I can explain the Spongebob wallet....................................... I FREAKIN LIKE IT! Sheesh and the next girl that comments on it is going to get the same earful i'm about to give you. I don't believe my wallet is my identity. I don't believe it reflects immaturity or a firm sense of childishness. I think its just a wallet. Thats all. Its a place to keep my money, and cards, drivers license, and other forms of identification. I hope you don't pass judgement on the fact that i have a childrens cartoon character on my billfold, i hope it doesn't make you think i'm irresponsible, cause believe it or not sometimes i can be pretty responsible. hahahaha i wouldn't say i'm the king of responsibility but dammit i can make stuff happen. I may wear a kermit the frog hat and a three quarter sleeve baseball tee, but i wake up and get to work when i'm supposed to. I take care of friends family. i work hard. So forgive me a moment of tom foolery. I apologize if it upsets your sense of what an attractive man should be. But i don't see it changing anytime soon. So sit down, shut up, and watch as this spongebob wallet pays for your dinner. sukkuh.

Two Things...............

The F-word. And coffee.
(this post is not for younger viewers.)
What is it about that one dirty word that makes it so versatile? As i've worked on my new job for the last week i've seen it used as a verb, adjective, noun, pro-noun and any other f****n thing you can imagine. I've realized why some despise it, its a form of poetry. The poor man's verse. And in this sense William Shakespeare has nothing on my old friend Quentin Tarantino. When said word comes in the place of pauses and um's and oh's you know you've arrived.....
But Where airick you may ask?
Where have I arrived?'
I'll tell you where. To quote the great advocate of the f-word Dane Cook "You've driven straight in to F***ville" Population one bitches.
So we ask ourselves........... How did we come to these crossroads? A word so flexible it can be placed anywhere in the english language and still come out alright? Well you've come to the right place because this cowboy here is just bored enough to have researched it. Are you ready children? Nod your head yes.....
The F-word does not come from what most believe are common acronyms. I.E. Fornication Under Consent of the King, Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (interestingly enough this was supposedly used in Scotland yard to file rape cases.) and so many others. While this may seem cool to most, I decided to dig further and my friends and snopes.com have helped me out. Snicker if you may, but this site is the f****n bomb. Here's what they have come up with
The word in question has several different etymologies cited i'll list just a few.
Middle Dutch-Fokken-"to thrust, copulate with"
Indo-European-Peuk-"To Prick"
Swedish-Focka-"To strike, push or copulate."
Those are just a few but you can begin to see the beginnings of this monster word. But how did it go from describing a form of copulation to the verbal chameleon it is today? What route did society take to make it such a commonplace word? Where I come from this word was a taboo used by high school kids for shock factor and from my dad to describe how f****n pissed he was. But when we see the word in its origins it started out the same as a word the same as push.
Please allow me to let a scene play out in your mind. Two young men are arguing and if we use the word as it was once meant to be it takes on a whole new meaning.
Boy 1: Man get out of my face, or i'm going to focka you.
Boy 2: You think i'm scared go ahead focka me.
Boy 1: Focka you?
Boy2: Yeah Focka Me.
See absolutley harmless.
Now one common denominator between the progeny's of this word i've noticed (not always but ninety nine point nine percent of the time) is the coffee mug glued securely to the hand. Who needs lifelock to keep your info safe? I'm putting all my valuables in the nearest coffee drinkers mug. That thing will never leave their sight, you're in good hands with a coffee drinker. The C.E.O. of folgers recently stopped by our job and shook everyone's hands but mine. What the f**k right? So as he was stepping into his car I took him aside and said "Hey man, seriously not cool. Why didn't you shake my hand? Does my light skin offend you?" He replied "Son, take a look at your hands," i quickly peered down, " you see...... both of your hands are free. And a man with both hands free is no friend of mine."
What a douche. For real. So I took my time and started watching these coffee drinkers. Looking for little things to peg down on them. Things to hold against them, I myself being a Mt. Dew drinker and subject to much scrutiny, figured i'd turn the heat back on them. And aside from the fact that if they had to choose between saving a school bus filled with handicap children from drowning in the river, or keep their coffee mug from tipping over, and would choose the mug everytime, I only found one thing......... One teensy thing that I can hold against them. You want to know what it is?????????? I know you're dying with anticipation............... Okay here it is. YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES UNTIL YOU'VE HAD YOUR F****N COFFEE. My goodness, you'd think you were coming out of detox after a two year bender. CALM DOWN! Please my sanity is at stake. I'm sorry your coffee maker broke this morning so you couldn't have your typical eight mugs before work. But........... Does that give you the right to start up Hitler's Final Solution at FIVE THIRTY IN THE ANTE-MERIDIAN?!?!?!?!?! Pull the stick out of your rectum and take a step back....... How do you feel about seeing yourself behave like a child? I hope you've learned your lesson. What is it about coffee that leaves you so universally connected to the F-word? I've met many coffee drinkers who don't say it often. But i've never met a native speaker of f***anese who doesn't drink coffee. Is it something in the word that makes the synapses in your brain fire and say "Gosh Damn........... I could use a f***in cup of french f***in roast this mother f***in morning. F**k." Every time you say it does the craving get worse? Like a crack addict walking down a gravel road? "Good garbage there are rocks everywhere," the poor guy thinks. I know not the answer. But like a midget at a urinal i'll keep on my toes and find out. And keep you, the wonderful public informed of any new findings i may have............ Now I f***in need a f***in dew. I'm f***in jonesin in this mother f****r.

No Name for what i'm about to do.

At times, I wish you'd just talk to me.
That you'd break the silence, for just a minute. To let me know we're still friends.
At other times, the silence is golden.
Leaving room for a head to clear, and a heart to heal.
Sometimes, I wish we'd done things the right way.
You and I discussing what was the matter. If it could be fixed. An agreeable solution for both.
Sometimes, I'm glad it happened the way it did.
Cause then you wouldn't have seen me beg.(not a pretty sight.)
There are moments, when I believe things were rushed.
That we might have moved too fast, That it all came with a crushing weight.
There are moments, when I know it happened the way it was supposed to.
That all emotions were shared in proper time, that we were completely open with one another.
In some bursts of thought, I'm sure that I'm what you need.
That I can be the one who makes you happy. Take care of your needs.
In other bursts of thought, I'm sure that's not possible.
Who could trust a guy like me with a charge like that. Let's be honest here.
In split seconds, I'm sure there's been a mistake.
How could this happen, it was so wonderful.
But the rest of the day, I know you did what was best.
That it's time to extract my head from my rectum and be happy.
In happier news though, thinking about you keeps scary movies from scaring me. So thanks for that.

The New Face of Crime.

Oddly enough I ended up at Macey's the other day. It's a grocery store where I live. I haven't been there since I was a little kid, probably about the time when wal-mart showed its face around my neck off the hood. Anyhow, I was sitting in my truck waiting for my friend to come out, when i noticed an old man backing out of his parking space at about mach 4. Normally I wouln't have taken much notice except for the fact that he was backing out a MASSIVE truck in between two MASSIVE s.u.v's. I mean picture how you'd view Kronos, the titan of old, thats how big these vehicles were. I just don't understand the logic behind the six inch lift on the family vehicle. Mom must be fighting crime in her off time, and need a lifted ride so she can just casually pass over helpless civilians. And after dropping the kids off at soccer practice, rushes to the aid of wonder woman and the green lantern to fend the world from simon barsinister. But there's a new villian afoot SuperMOM and i'm here to blow the whistle on this face of latter day terror. As i was saying this man was backing out of his parking stall, when he CRASHED into the vehicle next to him. Without exiting the vehicle to see the damage, he quickly righted himself and began to back out again. This time smashing the vehicle on the left side of him. He then finished his exit and swiftly galloped out of the parking lot at the speed of sound. (Yes, a dodge can go the speed of sound. It's the hemi.) As I surveyed the damage on both S.U.V's (I don't know how they pass crash test ratings if they can't take a bump in a parking lot.) I was horrified at the carnage. Both back quarter panels for each vehicle looked as though A Boeing 747 had flown into the side.
I got back to my truck and sat in silence. Thoughts rushed through my head, all sorts of crazy stories and scenarios played out. My concern for the general populus grew, and I realized that it was my duty to at least blog about the new face of criminals everywhere. Ladies and gentleman you can spot pure terror, those who will strike fear into the heart of every american. You can find them on street corners, In your local pharmacy, sitting next to you in the doctors office, even in your living room playing with your children. I'm talking of course about Senior Citizens. The Blue haired old woman in your rocking chair knitting an "african." (Afghan for those of you who don't speak their dialect.) The sweet old man who gives your children candy from his pocket. Who suspects them? Who would even think of pointing the finger of a woman who hasn't left her television room in a week because she's waiting for an old episode of The Price is Right to come on so she can admire that handsome "Bob Barker." I'll tell you who would. THIS GUY. I've seen them in action. Even when caught red-handed they are masters of smoke and mirrors. You'd never even think to denote an evil design in their undertones. But it will happen. It's an epidemic. Soon they will realize their own powers and a movement will begin. They will tip the balance of powers until our worlds fate will be decided by those who have been riddled with rheumatoid arthritis. I beseech each of you, take the necessary precautions now to stop this dilemma from occuring. Our lovely President Barack Obama has done his part. Due to his socialized health care plan, those criminals over sixty five will not receive health care. They will be deemed to old to fix. Left to their own devices. See how their wholistic cures really work..................... All joking aside. Make sure your grandparents are in fit condition to have a driver's license. But give them hugs while you do it. Stop the pandemic before it begins.

Letter to Damon Yummy.

(Or the channel 13 weather guy to all of you layman.)

Damon,

First off I wish to thank you for a few things:

!: Thanks for making all the cheesy jokes about weather that all the viewers already know you're going to make.

@: Thanks for.............. that's all i've got.

Now, onto the meat of why i'm here.

Sir, I want you to know that i've been monitoring your weather predictions over the last few weeks. I can almost say i've been nigh unto faithful to the words that you have said. I walk a fine line when i put so much trust in what one man has to say. But, as I have monitored your predictions and kept track, you have a track record of being less than forty percent right. FORTY PERCENT DAMON! In vegas you'd be a losing man. If I were a pit boss, my bookies would have already broken your legs, And we'd have your first born child as collateral for all the money you owe the casino.

Granted Mr. Yummy, Mother Nature is a cold hearted woman, and when she's cycling we know what to expect. Unpredictable conditions, and mood swings on a grand scale. But this is no excuse for you. None, whatsoever. You and your meteorology degree. Your expensive "Doppler Radar". I think, to quote the ever amazing Miss Trunchbull, that you are nothing more than a dirty SNEAK THIEF. All the money that Fox 13 is putting into your weather equipment, at least my theory would be, is going to cheap thrills, and a massive drug habit. Why else would you never wear a tie to work?! Yes i called you on it. In the weeks that i've watched Damon, you have never wore a tie. Is it possibly because your body is over heating from the mass amounts of ecstasy you've taken?! Perhaps the puddles of meth you and your co-anchors smoked before the show have you a bit sweaty. But i'm not here to call you out on your personal life, no sir. I'm just here to point out the large discrepancy in your "Weather Predictions." Do you just wake up on sunday morning and say "Okay Utah here's your seven day forecast." I submit that that is the case.

Might I suggest a new career? Come and work the blue collar circuit, join the ranks of the great unwashed. Just one week Mr. Yummy, just one week. And I promise you that you will see how much we rely on such a feeble science as "Meteorology." Maybe then you'll think twice about shacking up with your co-anchor and getting lit the night before, and put a little more thought into what you call "The Forecast."

Damon, I thank you for your time. Please give my words a bit of consideration. If you're average raises above fifty percent in the next month or so, I swear to all that is holy, I'll send you a fruit basket and a tie.

God Bless and Good Luck,

Eric Wiscombe.

P.S. If it drops below forty, you better be careful cause my bookies will be on the way.

A few things.................

First off,

I'm terrible at being regular at these things. Absolutely terrible.

Second,

There are moments when things strike me that i wish to write about. and nine times out ten, I don't. So what i share is usually the product of several ideas meshed together in an altogether unnatural way that makes me people say , "What the hell was he thinking?" Answer: I don't even know myself.

Third,

IT'S BEEN A MONUMENTALLY CRAZY WEEK. (just thought i'd share that.)

A few more things:

I think i have a man crush on Tim Burton.

I appreciate my Dad's supreme knowledge of EVERYTHING. (even if its crazy.)

I can't figure out why I've not been able to finish a book these last few weeks. I'm never incomplete in my reading and its becoming a nasty habit.

I've developed a firm affinity for Gingers. In a way i never thought possible. (LOOK OUT EMERALD ISLE! i'm comin atcha.)

I'm ready for Alec to come home. (sounds gay and incestuous but its true.)

I've completely lost the ability to pick up on social cues. It makes social interaction a task and a half. Where i think i may know something i open my mouth and find i know nothing. It makes me look like a fool, and cause sincere grief to those who have to hear it. (My deepest apologies on those ones. oooopps.)

On a happier note:

The olympics start soon. Time for mindless voyeuristic pleasure. Who knows, if i play my cards right, i may be able to get My boss to switch the radio from 101.9 the end for a day or two to tune in. (Most likely not.)

KYLE IS GETTING BAPTIZED! hooray KYLE!

I've almost returned to speaking normal language.

Work is great.

And, Life is just GREAT! Isn't it always though if we keep the right mindset?

good luck this week

Pants

( Before beginning I would like to say I have no problem with pants. No squabbles, issues, or qualms whatsoever. Although the following, may make it seem like pants are at the core of all my issues. )

These last couple of weeks have been quite odd in the world of Wiscombe. For those of you who don't know me i've just recently returned home for serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Omaha, Nebraska. Quite the adjustment, much more so than I thought it would be. The pause button that is placed on your life for two years, the complete freeze that takes place on your life for 730 days, is suddenly thawed. They hit the play button in a huge way, not only play, but fast forward to catch up. Every decision, from the most minute, to the most life altering, are set before you with thirty seconds to answer each. Questions that should not be answered without the utmost deliberation, so much so that if you were to be carved in the act of pondering it, you'd probably come out looking like The Thinker, are answered and out of your head faster than a speeding bullet.
Now i've not handled this as gracefully, elegantly, or with near as much poise as I would like. As a matter of fact, its made me question as to whether or not I know myself as well as I think. Which creates an identity crisis as large as Powers Boothe's forehead, and anxiety that feels as though i've got every railcar from the Union Pacific railroad lines running on my chest. As i've been trudging through this emotional cesspool, It hasn't been too hard to push it off and turn off my brain so I can sleep. But that all changed December 31st.
As I laid my head to sleep, I crashed harder than the Hindenberg and it seemed as though i'd sleep sounder than Rip Van Winkle. But an hour after i'd been sleeping, I woke with my brain in full swing, processing info faster than an auctioneer can speak. All the key decisions for young adults (i.e. What should I do for school? Should I go to school? How can I support myself and a family when the time comes? How can i be successful in my life's pursuits? Who's better superman or batman? Conservative or Liberal? How do I find that one person, the one where my soul recognizes its counterpart in another? How will I live so that I make the best impact on the world that I can? How do I best help the people around me?) piled on at once. A tight sharp pain started in my chest, and quickly magnified into something I imagine a heart attack victim might feel. Thousands of sharp needles, on again, then off for a moments reprieve, then back again with the vengeance of an angry ex-mother in law. Shallow breathing, almost like i'd just finished the Iron Man Triathalon with a small midget and three asians on my back. All the while, pivotal crossroad life decisions screaming across my conscious and subconscious brain like they were broadcasted out of a bullhorn. Most definetly one of the craziest moments of my life.
But just as I was about to lose my head to insanity, a fleeting thought crossed my mind. It started small, then in low, and then (as Dr. Suess would say) it started to grow.
.......take off your p.j's..............
..................take off your p.j's..................
........................Take oFf your Pants..................
..............................Take ofF youR PANts........................
......................................TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS....................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now this may sound sick, nigh unto perverted, but as I grabbed for the pull cord of the pajamas i was wearing, the needles started to subside. I stretched the waistband and tugged them low, and the breathing deepened, and as soon as the final piece of fabric cleared my pinky toes, it all seemed to disappear. I sat in my bed in my underwear and marveled at how quickly the pain was taken away. It was like all of my earthly concerns were wrapped around me in fleece fabric, and tied neatly. I firmly believe that this was an instance that no matter how crazy it may be, when we are prompted to do something, and we act instantly, we receive blessings that we are in dire need of. It can be anything, a feeling to go to the grocery store for something someone needed, or a go check on grandma, or a TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS feeling. But if it won't hurt you, and won't lead to anything bad, you can be sure it comes from the Almighty and should act on it. Since that night, i've felt wonderful and the home adjustment has completely taken over. I don't feel awkward and i've got some ideas as to what i should do with myself. I know i'll be taken care of and that's all i need to know. I've been able to clear my head and set some goals and get comfortable again in my own skin. So listen closely to your heart folks, and remember what Babe Ruth says to Benny Rodriguez, " Follow your heart kid, and you can never go wrong." Even if your heart happens to tell you strip down to your skivvies.