Letter to Damon Yummy.

(Or the channel 13 weather guy to all of you layman.)

Damon,

First off I wish to thank you for a few things:

!: Thanks for making all the cheesy jokes about weather that all the viewers already know you're going to make.

@: Thanks for.............. that's all i've got.

Now, onto the meat of why i'm here.

Sir, I want you to know that i've been monitoring your weather predictions over the last few weeks. I can almost say i've been nigh unto faithful to the words that you have said. I walk a fine line when i put so much trust in what one man has to say. But, as I have monitored your predictions and kept track, you have a track record of being less than forty percent right. FORTY PERCENT DAMON! In vegas you'd be a losing man. If I were a pit boss, my bookies would have already broken your legs, And we'd have your first born child as collateral for all the money you owe the casino.

Granted Mr. Yummy, Mother Nature is a cold hearted woman, and when she's cycling we know what to expect. Unpredictable conditions, and mood swings on a grand scale. But this is no excuse for you. None, whatsoever. You and your meteorology degree. Your expensive "Doppler Radar". I think, to quote the ever amazing Miss Trunchbull, that you are nothing more than a dirty SNEAK THIEF. All the money that Fox 13 is putting into your weather equipment, at least my theory would be, is going to cheap thrills, and a massive drug habit. Why else would you never wear a tie to work?! Yes i called you on it. In the weeks that i've watched Damon, you have never wore a tie. Is it possibly because your body is over heating from the mass amounts of ecstasy you've taken?! Perhaps the puddles of meth you and your co-anchors smoked before the show have you a bit sweaty. But i'm not here to call you out on your personal life, no sir. I'm just here to point out the large discrepancy in your "Weather Predictions." Do you just wake up on sunday morning and say "Okay Utah here's your seven day forecast." I submit that that is the case.

Might I suggest a new career? Come and work the blue collar circuit, join the ranks of the great unwashed. Just one week Mr. Yummy, just one week. And I promise you that you will see how much we rely on such a feeble science as "Meteorology." Maybe then you'll think twice about shacking up with your co-anchor and getting lit the night before, and put a little more thought into what you call "The Forecast."

Damon, I thank you for your time. Please give my words a bit of consideration. If you're average raises above fifty percent in the next month or so, I swear to all that is holy, I'll send you a fruit basket and a tie.

God Bless and Good Luck,

Eric Wiscombe.

P.S. If it drops below forty, you better be careful cause my bookies will be on the way.