you know what?????????????????

I'm not done posting this evening. I need help from you my few fans. My very few fans. Normally I handle rejection very well. Some of you are shaking your heads and saying actually dude you don't. Buts its true. But as of late things haven't panned out the way any way i thought they would. I think for the first time since i've been home I put my whole heart into a certain something, felt like I was in a place that I could give over everything and be content. So i started doing as such. But then someone told me I wasn't good enough. That everything I put out there was nothing but useless time filler. Well i'll tell you what, myself, me and airick didn't take too kindly to that. But then It felt as if i was to wait around to see if said someone could do better and if they couldn't they'd come back and see how i was doing hahahahaha. It was like i was the chick and the other person was the dude. "Listen, its not you its me. I need to not set my standards so low, so i'm going to go out there and look for my ten, but if they're not there, i'll come back and settle for a three." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry my best effort only amounts to a three. But i'm not here to rant about this. My bad for filling your head with such drivel. My question is, how do I get back on the horse and ride? I fear rejection to the utmost now. Its like someone with acrophobia on top of a fifteen story building standing only on a two by four. Everytime i get an opportunity to get out there and try again i feel like i'm standing in front of the firing squad with every gun loaded and for every gunman there is an itchy trigger finger, just waiting to shoot me down. hahahhahaha so advice folks. Most of you are going to say grow a pair, which is what i need but any other advice besides that would help. We'll look forward to your advice. God bless as always.....